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I messed up. I was on a mission, and- and I got so many things wrong, I hurt someone, I just-

[Velocity curls up in the corner of the room she'd thrown herself into and buries her face into her knees]

I'm in one of the disused labs by the docking bay. I didn't want to go to my room, or... anywhere. I want to go home. I want Nautica.

Understood.

[to all of that. he doesn't say anything else as he makes his way down to where she describes, finding her quickly. maybe he should've tried to say something in the ten minutes it took him to come down...? he feels for her, though. she reminds him a lot of the terrans, even though she's not quite as young as them. medics are known for being extremely resilient, so for something to have pushed her that hard...

when he finds her, he carefully sits next to her while staying mindful of the size difference. this is normal for him, though, everyone is small to him and megatron.]

Hello, Velocity. [he pulls his own knees up to his chest, resting his hands on top of them.] Would you like to talk about what's happened...?

[Velocity curls up tighter in on herself before shifting to lean just slightly into Optimus]

It- I-

[She turns her face into his side]

The whole time I just kept doing the wrong things and saying the wrong things over and over and over and- and at the end I was trying to help but I messed up, the person I was trying to monitor was one of the big important people and he saw me, and-

[A hiccuping sob]

And after that when the fighting started, the biggest person, they did s-something to my head. Again. So I turned around and I shot somebody who couldn't even fight back, and her sister, she- she threw herself on top of her and looked at me like I was-

[Velocity flinches. Monster. Evil. Incompetent, round and around in her head, and she says in a small voice]

I think last time somebody twisted my thoughts like that, it- it did something to me. In my head. I liked it. I liked it when I made things hurt. So I guess the slaver was right about me, too.

[he remains quiet as she speaks because even if he's struggling a bit with the emotional parts and what to say after, optimus has always been a very, very good listener. he's warm when she leans against him. comfortable, despite the sharp angles of his chest and shoulders. almost like he was made for it.

it's only when she starts to hiccup and sob that he shifts his arm to put it around her, resting his hand gently on her shoulder.]

I am sorry you've been forced to experience this. [while he has read the reports that have mentioned magic in them, optimus's mind goes to technology first and foremost.] That slaver was extremely incorrect about you, Velocity. If you truly feel such remorse and horror over hurting someone innocent, then it is not something that you actually take pleasure in. It's a belief that's been forced on you. I have not known you very long and it's already clear to me that you are someone who cares so deeply for others that you will go completely out your way to ensure they are comfortable and happy.

[he looks down at his knees for a moment.]

Mistakes do not make you a bad person, or a failure. It's very rare missions go to plan, anyway! You and your team came back safe, which is not something that should be discounted.

[Velocity presses her optic shutters closed tightly and makes a small, thin noise against him, particularly at the parts where he was defending her]

But have you ever had a slaver tell you that you have a sliver of evil in you, and that you're way better at shooting innocent people than trying to stop them? What if all those people back home who kept telling me to give up were right, so much more right than I ever believed?

I should've listened to them.

No. [he sighs slightly.] But I have been called a monster before. Failure. Naive. Stupid. Coward. Incompetent. Not always by my enemies, either. This sort of thing is inevitable, especially in the context of a mission where you will be actively working against those who would resort to violence rather than see failure.

[he tilts his head.]

It's easier to believe the negative things we are told about ourselves. Defying that means challenging an ingrained perception of reality-- I am sure the people on this ship you have helped would not tell you any such vile nonsense. That their reality of you would involve your kindness and empathy... why does what a slaver say mean more than that? Don't the people on the ship know you better, rather than someone who only knows you as an enemy?

[Velocity looks up at Optimus at his words, startled out of her own thoughts enough that what he says next manages to seep in more than it otherwise may have. She heaves in a shuddering vent but nods hesitantly, unable to argue with the last parts, in particular]

I- I don't know... [It comes out as a mumble, hesitant and unsure] I suppose, maybe it. Um. I never really had that many people saying nice things, and it just got that much easier every time to believe the other stuff. But- But how do you believe the positive things, when so many other people agree and always have?

[that's a complicated question. optimus has a completely different approach to these things, one that won't be of any help to velocity-- it doesn't do at all for a prime to be affected by these sort of things. or... anything, really.]

There should have been more support around you, and I can't fault you for being uncomfortable with the change. Many times those who put others down do so to make themselves feel more powerful in a situation, or to give themselves some form of righteousness that they believe puts them above others. They are incorrect, as stooping to such a level only makes it clear where their own insecurities lie.

[he looks down at her, curled up against his side.]

Perhaps it would be good for you to take a break from your duties. You've had a very difficult time, and I think you may need to acclimate properly to being on the ship itself, as well as these things that have happened.

Edited 2023-12-10 17:01 (UTC)

[She didn't know what to say to any of that. It was big and overwhelming to hear such things, and so was what he said next. But Velocity nodded, and turned her head into his plating again as she quietly responded]

I- I think you're right. About the medibay, and- and acclimating. I did go immediately there after I came through the space bridge. I was so eager to start work as a real doctor, and hoped that it would help me not worry about home, and...

[A pause, and she hesitantly adds:]

...Do you mean it? That I should've had help? Everyone always said it was better for me to do it on my own, until I managed to find Nautica and Windblade and my other friends at school. They helped me. Until I came here.

[She curls up a little tighter, and reaches out without thinking for his hand]

I understand the need to avoid being idle. [to an uncomfortable degree.] But perhaps doing so will help you look inward and see these things that are harming you with a more rational approach.

[he is not unaware of the irony of him telling someone to stop and look at what's hurting them rather than continuing to ignore it with work. but-- optimus does genuinely think it might help her.]

I think so. Those in positions of authority have the responsibility of watching the well-being of those under them. Teachers are not there to just relay information to their students, it's their responsibility to ensure that it's done so in a way that each student understands and accommodate where necessary. [he lets her take his hand... hers is so small in his. and yet, he thinks, if her mental health isn't 100% their responsibility, it still seems like she was failed where she should not have been.] Students are meant to feel safe and heard, to facilitate their learning and trust in those who are imparting the knowledge.

[it doesn't always work out that way, but there is a very bare minimum that needs to be reached. he just hopes that she will take this time to take the action she needs to help herself.]

[Velocity hugged her knees to her chest with her other hand, and buried the lower half of her face into them]

I- [A swallow, and she went on in a wavering voice] I wish there were people like you thee when I went to school. I wish that-

[...Well. No. She didn't wish the bad things hadn't happened at all, because that was how she'd met Nautica and Windblade. Couldn't have one without the other]

...I'll need to think about this more, I think. But you've helped me do that clearer. So. Thank you, very much.

[he doesn't have anything to say to that, not really. optimus stays quiet for a moment while velocity verbally works herself out.]

You are important too, Velocity. How you feel matters too. [he says, with enough conviction that she might struggle to doubt that he truly means his words.] We can sit here for a while longer. Do not rush yourself.

[Velocity almost immediately tucks into a tighter ball at what he said, and leans closer until her helm gently taps against Optimus' plating]

Do you think I could start mattering tomorrow? [The joke is quiet and muttered into her knees, but it was something, anyway]

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