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i hope your stupid ax with its stupid color scheme gets melted down. or used as a doorstop. an UGLY doorstop. or to prop up furniture and not even do that properly. and do you know why?

[he should just ignore this, but he doesn't. optimus has a sneaking suspicion if he doesn't indulge small messages like this, then she will ramp it up.]

Why is that, Nova Storm?

[Nova almost hadn't sent this at all, but today was a day she'd had to report in to Antlers, and she was feeling every emotion a bot could all at once, and she needed an outlet. She needed to yell or scream or fight or frag or something, and at least he was somebody she could insult guilt free]

because it's useless, just like you. i'm sure you've convinced yourself that you aren't, but it doesn't matter, nothing you've done since getting here matters, it's all just

[Nova bent in half over her datapad. She knows she'd been acting off since she'd returned here, but this is worse this is so much worse. She's been so easy to rile up ever since Antlers had first contacted her, far more than usual, and the terror she didn't know she was feeling was combining with guilt and anger and sorrow until she was choking on it]

[It was getting harder to see to type through her itching and burning optics but she wasn't done yet, so she switched to audio and rasped out,]

Everything you've worked for is ruined and getting worse and it's all your fault.

[Her fault. Hers. Every word was meant for her, but it was so much easier to aim it at him]

Just- just die. Okay?

[he switches to audio as she does, though the switch won't be apparent until he speaks rather than texting.

now, nothing nova storm is saying to him isn't something he's thought about himself before, at one point or another. optimus knows he isn't always able to parse out why people act the way they do (and that's another thing he can be very unkind to himself about) but this time it is fairly clear that her vitriol is not aimed at him and him alone.]

I see. Unfortunately I will continue to disappoint you, then. [there's brief pause. the click of a door closing, as as soon as he got this message he left the shared habsuite with megatron and went back to his own; he disturbs the other mech's rest enough.] If something has happened then you needn't deal with it alone. You may throw Megatron and I at the problem.

Edited 2024-10-05 17:24 (UTC)

[Nova Storm stares at nothing as he responds. She then lurches to her feet and heads towards the shuttle bay, slowly at first then faster, until she's running. She wants to fly, she needs to fly, but she can't. Being in space is as close as she can get right now]

I don't! Need! Either of you fighting my battles for me!

[She doesn't sound angry, just raising her voice to be heard over the pound of her boots. Even so, she still sounds strained. Partially from the waves of emotion, and partially because Antlers' orders are throttling her the instant she opens her mouth to say anything about it at all. That cold feeling she doesn't understand as fear is back, and she runs fast, faster, as fast as her and Warp used to run to try to evade the consequences of their actions before they could fly]

[She snarls, but her anger isn't aimed at Optimus this time, either]

[If she just runs fast enough, far enough, maybe-]

I hate you, and I hate him too! I always hated both of you!

[and yet she is speaking to him, rather than doing all she can to remove him from her life.]

As is your right, but I recommend you take a serious look at your behaviour and who it may be impacting. Whether you believe you deserve negative consequences or not, whether you think it is acceptable to make those around you think of you as poorly as you do yourself, people who care will see the change and know it isn't as simple as you are trying to make it out to be.

Shut up! Shut your mouth! You don't know what you're talking about!

[Nova suddenly skids to a long halt, throwing up sparks from her boots as she goes crashing into a wall. Her fingers curve into useless claws that pull at nothing while she stares at nothing with wild, frantic optics]

I don't need your help, or his! Nobody gets to-

[She pulls in a another vent to shriek it out, but it only escapes as a tiny ghost of a sound]

Just because those monsters the primes told you whatever you wanted to hear doesn't mean you're right all the time. I want you to curl up and die. Thats what this is. That's all this is.

You are not lacking in intelligence, Nova Storm. What I am saying to you is not subjective. Your behaviour has changed recently, and those close to you will notice, if they haven't already. Especially if even I can see it.

[he frowns, though she can't see it, rolling his head on his shoulders. sure, she'd always been hateful towards him, and he can understand why, but she'd never sent him messages like this before. it just seems desperate and projecting.]

I will not now or ever deny my part in your suffering. But I do not control your behaviour and I don't believe if my spark went out in the next five minutes, it would change anything about what you're doing.

[Nova Storm makes a face and mouths along to what he's saying, even though she knows he's right]

How do you know? [She mutters just because, and kicks the wall just because, too] Maybe it would. Maybe everything would be fixed and I wouldn't be-

[Her throat closes up tight the way it does anytime she gets close to verbally telling anyone about what Antlers has done to her, and she wheezes pathetically for a few moments before she finally snarls and kicks the wall again, harder]

It isn't any of your business if I self destruct, anyway. It isn't his, either. He saw to that.

Things are never that simple. [sometimes he wishes it was.] It is my business, and you know Megatron would not want you to self-destruct either. I know I haven't done... the best job of protecting Cybertronians on Earth, but it still matters here.

[he wouldn't lump megatron in with his own bad choices, as he hid so much from him. he says cybertronians, too, as he failed his autobots just as much the decepticons.]

Who?

[Nova Storm immediately hisses through her teeth]

Your lackey doesn't get to have an opinion about me and what I do! Neither of you do! He chose you, and you chose autobots first, humans first. He doesn't get an opinion, and neither does-

[Another hiss, sharp and pained, that fades into silence]

He's not my-- [optimus runs a hand down his face.] Neither does who? Who do you keep alluding to? Is it someone who has been giving you trouble?

[Nova Storm hisses again, but this time it's less angry and much more fearful, although while Optimus likely can recognize that, Nova cannot]

Nobody! Okay?! Nobody's been giving me trouble and nobody needs to worry about a slagging thing and nothing! [A sudden BURST of noise as Nova darts into a run before she activates her jet boots and launches into a sonic boom with a crackSNAP and a dull roar]

Matters!

[unfortunately this is the end of the call, as her sonic boom pretty much blows out his comm. optimus slumps forward to drop his head into his hand with a pained groan, glad that he had the foresight to leave megatron recharging in his room in the lab.]

Damn it...

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